The One Where Fred Turns 95
Yes, I made a Friends reference. No, I'm not doing it again. Anyway, here's my dad's annual birthday post!
Miranda here!
I hope you had a meaningful Tisha B’Av. Did you know that my dad is almost as old as the Temple?! This Sunday, he’ll be completing his 95th trip around the sun. Sunday is also Tu B’Av, the Jewish day of love. How appropriate, because I love this guy. He makes us all laugh, teaches us important life lessons and fun facts, and is objectively the best dad a gal could ask for.
It’s time for his annual b-day post. This one may sound a bit morbid, but for someone who frequently reflects on death—as we all should from time to time to remind us of what’s important in life—he manages to maintain a remarkably cheerful disposition.
Join me in wishing Fred a happy birthday in the comments and enjoy what he has to say.
Hello! These are some thoughts on getting on in years.
Old people will pass on wisdom such as this:
“If I could live my life over I would spend less time with work and more with those I love, my partner, and family, etc.”
Nah. Spend more time with work and earn more money and your love ones will remember you for how much real estate and money you left them.
Wisdom from old people typically includes having this or that to drink or eat daily and to that they attribute a long life:
This person ate eggs daily, that person always walked 10 miles daily, they did yoga every day etc. etc.
NO NO NO.
Churchill smoked cigars all day long. He drank huge amounts of booze daily. He was overweight… he lived to age 90!
What do we learn from his life? Life is a crapshoot. Yes, there are things you can do and things you should not do. But the crapshoot remains.
Anyway, I have been told by some young people that they dislike old people (they are frank with me because they know they are not in my will!) because old people are morose, seldom smile, and are often nasty.
I tell them: “Perhaps old people are that way because they know things that you will later in life discover for yourself.”
I’m making the funny; I have a great deal to be happy about, as you can see from this video from my 94th birthday:
Now here’s a tip: Each morning, first thing right after having prune juice, the elderly turn to the obituaries in their local paper. They see that so-and-so died and was two years older than they are. The say, “Of course he died before me, he was older.” Or a person has died and was younger. “Ha! Outlived that poor wretch.” Or, now with the internet (which, studies show, is very good for the brain as you get on in years) they can look up if so-and-so died.
But did you know there is no legal requirement to have have an obit? If you do not have one, anyone looking for you in obituaries will assume you are immortal!
Some advice (at last):
They (whoever that is) say “You can’t take it with you.” Wrong!
Withdraw everything you have, convert it all to cash, and enclose it in a pouch and insist in your will that the pouch be buried with you.
Can I explain the meaning of life to you? No. But I can illustrate it:
Recall the famous panel that illustrates human like form ambling along on hands and legs…next beginning try become bipedal by standing briefly on two legs; and finally standing fully erect on his two legs… a fully formed human being!
Move on and imagine this:
A fully bipedal human being standing fully upright, then walking with a cane, then moving about with a walker, and next using a wheelchair. Finally, being carried out on a stretcher.
As Peggy Lee, a once-famous singer sings: “Is that all there is?”
But I have a great deal to be happy about, as you can see in this video of me listening to disco through my headphones:
… or in this video of me at drag karaoke (I love music and Provincetown)!
If life is a journey, recall the motto of Cunard steamship cruise line: GETTING THERE IS HALF THE FUN.
And no: I do not know what to call the other half.
But I will end this by quoting the great baseball player Lou Gehrig: “I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.”
Shabbat Shalom!
Dad, a message from a friend to you!
Happy Birthday (on Sunday), Fred! 🎉 Love your dad (I feel like I know him) lol
Cheers to many more birthdays to come!
How did I miss this?! Fred, you are amazing! Happy 95th (holy shit) birthday! 🎁🎂
Miranda, you are such a lucky girl! Not only did you inherit some great wit and talent, but you’re a member of a joyful and loving family! Love the videos and the message, especially the “Don’t be a dick” shirts! Thank you, Fred, you make me feel so young (at 70).